Goss's 2M of Wasted Bandwidth
Sunday, March 30, 2003
Okay..so I decided to take the chance...
...and considering that Spring is the runt of the family, and then *I'm* the next-shortest, I think he's going to be a tall little beastie.
Checklist of things to get my nephew
-a drum
-play-dough
-magic markers
-a megaphone
-a rotweiller
-a case of stickers, preferably a Spongebob graphic
-the entire "Barney", "Blue's Clues" and "Hamtaro" video libraries
-copy of "How To Talk Your Way Out of Anything"
Friday, March 28, 2003
My sister has set up something that looks like a betting pool for her Urchin. It requires you to sign up, but to me, that is along the same lines of holding someone's baby or walking down the baby aisle...you run a terrible risk, as it puts you in the realm of "just asking for it".
Love ya dearly, sis...but no.
Thursday, March 27, 2003
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Today's trip to Wal Mart yielded:
1 cala lilies
2 baby peppermint plants
1 small rosemary bush
2 plant hangers
1 packet catnip seeds
1 50lb bag potting soil
1 mountain bike
How to Set The Tone For The Whole Evening
Me: "What's this?" (inspecting an small container of a funny green substance)
Coworkers (in deadpan unison): "Caquita de mono." (translated- "monkey shit")
Me: (clueless) "Ahhh...ok. Is it mexican?"
Thursday, March 20, 2003
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Monday, March 17, 2003
Did you drink you green beer today?
For your own sake, I hope not.
Listen up, guys- beer is not green. Never. Period. If you choose a St. Patty's Beer because it is green, you are being taken advantage of and you deserve it. Why? Because beer ain't green! The green comes from additives...food coloring...and a lot of it! Ever wonder what your insides look like after drinking a green beer?
Let me tell you what really happens.
Your friendly neighborhood retailer can only approximate how much green beer will be needed on St. Patty's Day. They must be careful how much is prepared, as green beer is marketable for only one night. Second day green beer is useless, as it will retain the stigma of "leftovers" in the patrons' minds, even though the beer is perfectly drinkable. Green beer absolutely, positively CANNOT be used for cooking.
It is illegal, at least in Georgia, to give away alcohol, so there goes the charity-to-one's-fellow-man idea when dealing with the leftovers. In order to maximize profit and minimize loss, the beer in question ain't Harp. It ain't Michelob. Shit, it isn't even Budwiser. The green beer is a low-end, rot-gut, nasty-ass swill like Pabst Blue Ribbon (at the very best). I guarantee you, a keg of PBR costs a lot less than any of the other brews listed!
....and you still paid $5 a pint.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
After a night of refereeing pissing contests, finding a box of Girl Scout Cookies on my keyboard is da bomb!
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
Thursday, March 06, 2003
And so it was said, "Pay mind to the terrain and watcheth where tough goeth, lest thee end up on thine back on the rained-upon wet sidewalks along Peachtree Streets, and thou will not be forced to ride Marta with soaking wet jeans, a bruised knee and a wedgie, for thou may not fix the wedgie in public."
But at least The Lion King was good....
Monday, March 03, 2003
Sunday, March 02, 2003
1 bottle of cheap dark rum
2 cups simple syrup
4 blocks unsweetened chocolate (Baking chocolate will do fine)
4-5 tangerines
pulverize the tangerines, remove seeds (if you are feeling really froggy, zest the tangerines and throw it in as well...but I'll warn you, it's a time-consuming pain in the ass and tangerine peel doesn't come out from under your fingernails without a fight), and combine with the rest of the ingredients in a large jug.
Shove in a cabinet and forget about it for a few months (you don't have to let it sit for a year like you did the hazelnut khaluha).
When you remember it, strain through cheesecloth. DON'T THROW THE PULP AWAY! Be careful about spillage, as 1) it's alcohol abuse, and 2) rum, which is sugar based, combined with the simple syrup, the sugar in the tangerines and the cocoa butter in the chocolate will, when dried upon the countertop, create a sticky surface not unlike flypaper.
Sip, enjoy, and refuse to share.
Use the pulp to make chocolate orange truffles.
